I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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