Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
