I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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