Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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