oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
PANTIES FOUND
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
