I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
