I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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