apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize