Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
