So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
