The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
