called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
