Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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