I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We're too hungover to prance.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
