Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
