dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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