How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
