With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
