You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
