just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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