I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
