theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
