come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
