who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
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