You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
