Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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