Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
