fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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