How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
