forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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