He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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