her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
