FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
