If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize