some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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