The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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