btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
