i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
