just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I need to calm my uterus...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
