K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
