I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
