I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
