I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
