wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
