You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
