Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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