I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize