Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
