How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
