From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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