im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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