I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
