its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
