I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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