At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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