Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
