ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
