This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
