From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
