Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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