Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
