Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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