I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize