Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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