She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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