just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
