Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just googled if crying burns calories
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
