you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize