You just made me feel so damn special
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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