Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
