I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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