Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
