So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
