Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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