Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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