Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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