Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
