Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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