someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
