Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
