my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
