Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
