i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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