Well douche your snatch and let's go!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
