he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
