He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
