I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
