He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
is wine microwaveable?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
