I want to stick my p in your. b.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
