If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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