Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
