how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
