You smell like stripper and shame
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
