perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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