i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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