Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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