Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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